Sunday, November 26, 2006

What a shame


So over the last 2 years I have heard lots of opinions on how people feel about our adoption. The one comment that rings in my ear the loudest is "what a shame". I have heard that one a couple times. They have said what a shame that I'll never experience pregnancy. The first time I heard it, I was a bit taken back and didn't really have any sort of response. The most recent time I heard it, I responded with yes it is a shame. It's a shame that more people in the world are not going to get the opportunity to have this experience of a lifetime. Let's face it, we have the opportunity to go to another country on the other side of the world and take in the smells and sights of a miracle right before our eyes. The most beautiful part is that it is happening to us. Pregnancy is something that the majority of the mass popluation experience either through their own experiences or through family and friends. I have been by several family members and friends while the experience pregnancy and the birth of their child.

I am about to encounter an adoption experience that is not even close to being a part of the mass populations life.......... WHAT A SHAME........

--------------------oOo--------------------

18 Comments:

Blogger Marilyn, Paul, PJ, & Chris said...

Dear Debbie and Kirk,

We just returned from China with our daughter. She has two older brothers (biological) who adore her. I can't believe someone actually said, "What a shame" to you! The shame is that they just don't get it. Becoming a parent and having that child placed in your arms for the first time is the miracle. How they got there is just part of the story.

Best of luck for a referral REALLY SOON!

Marilyn Rhude

10:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. U said...

GREAT post!!!! I like your thinking!!!!

We are LID 9-12-05 and on pins and needles waiting for our referral!!

His,
Mrs. U

10:02 PM  
Blogger Laina&laura said...

Dear Debbie,
Thanks for visiting my blog! I LOVED the AB/CD t-shirt and spent more than I really thought was prudent on it, but I HAD to have it! It'f fun that you have one,too.
I've never been pregnant. I've never miscarried. I've never had invitro anything. I did one cycle of "invivo" and that was enough of the emotional rollercoaster for me. It is no shame to not be pregnant. Don't let people say that to you.
Having a baby is a wonderful thing. And soon, very, very soon, you will have your baby. She needs you as a mommy just like you need her as your baby and there is not anything more real as that when she's in your arms.

When I went to my local "mommy" group and the women started comparing birth stories, comparing stretch marks, talking about 'water', episiotomies, leaking of body fluids and all of that, my thoughts were, "Thank GOD for adoption!!".

When you get you referral (next week??!!) you will look at your daughter and say, "My daughter, my baby, I'm her mommy" and no words will be more true.

No shame, none at all.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Mark & Michelle said...

I still have a hard time with people offering opinions about our personal life and adoption, when they were not asked for them!!

1:22 AM  
Blogger Dawn and Dale said...

SUCH a great post!!!!! LOVE your thinking as well!!

2:25 PM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

Hi Debbie and Kirk: Don't let the ignorance of other people *What a Shame* comment bother you.
I am a foster parent and these beautiful kids that we care for were born and did not ask to be taken away from there mom and dad. There are many reasons that there out in care but as God is a witness up above the mom of these kids were holding, kissing and loving these angels. Its just a thing that has happened in these biological parents life that the safety of the kids are not with there loving parents.
Your Olivia was born by another mom who I am sure loves her and is giving her up so she has a better life. That is where you both come into her life to make that happen. *What a Shame* that the people who left that comment for you (will never no what it is to bring this loving life to any child whether biological or going around the world to bring her home). I will be following your journey. God Bless you both.

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Phyllis, Tony and Aunt Betty said...

Hi Debbie and Kirk: Don't let the ignorance of other people *What a Shame* comment bother you.
I am a foster parent and these beautiful kids that we care for were born and did not ask to be taken away from there mom and dad. There are many reasons that there out in care but as God is a witness up above the mom of these kids were holding, kissing and loving these angels. Its just a thing that has happened in these biological parents life that the safety of the kids are not with there loving parents.
Your Olivia was born by another mom who I am sure loves her and is giving her up so she has a better life. That is where you both come into her life to make that happen. *What a Shame* that the people who left that comment for you (will never no what it is to bring this loving life to any child whether biological or going around the world to bring her home). I will be following your journey. God Bless you both.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

Hi Debbie and Kirk: Don't let the ignorance of other people *What a Shame* comment bother you.
I am a foster parent and these beautiful kids that we care for were born and did not ask to be taken away from there mom and dad. There are many reasons that there out in care but as God is a witness up above the mom of these kids were holding, kissing and loving these angels. Its just a thing that has happened in these biological parents life that the safety of the kids are not with there loving parents.
Your Olivia was born by another mom who I am sure loves her and is giving her up so she has a better life. That is where you both come into her life to make that happen. *What a Shame* that the people who left that comment for you (will never no what it is to bring this loving life to any child whether biological or going around the world to bring her home). I will be following your journey. God Bless you both.

2:47 PM  
Blogger The Carmodys said...

You're so right Deb. The joy of finally holding your little one in your arms and experiencing motherhood will totally over power the negative comments.

k

4:49 PM  
Blogger Taylor Grace said...

Wow thanks for that post. I was starting to feel bad because I won't experience pregnancy. My sister just found out she is having twins so old feelings resurfaced.

I am blessed that I have experienced something that only a small portion of the population will ever experience and I am blessed with a daugter that fits perfectly into our family.

Michelle

3:03 PM  
Blogger redmaryjanes said...

I have to share this with you.
I am the mother of three biological children. I have carried a child through a perfect pregnancy and two where their lives were at risk.
My husband and I should be DTC next week. It has taken us seven months to get our paperwork together. I have shed as many tears, spent as many worried nights, been filled with the anticipation of just wanting to see her face. The feelings are so similar. When I turned in my initial adoption application, I cried all of the way home. Just like when I saw the pink lines on the tests. This experience has taken me through it all.
I love this little girl who may not even be born yet to the depths of my soul.
I would go anywhere right now and do anything for her the same as my other three.
You may be missing out on a small aspect of motherhood, but trust me, your heart is right there just like any bio Mom.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Jill and Jaap said...

I love this Deb!

This IS the experience of a lifetime. Cannot wait to go through all of it!

Waiting here with you...any day now!

6:11 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Love it and may even use it! Thanks for sharing!

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love "redmaryjanes" comment!
I have given birth to 2 healthy babies and have miscarried 2 others. I feel blessed and privileged to be able to adopt! Giving birth is a wonderful experience, but adoption is every bit as marvelous!!! What matters is not HOW your child comes to you, but that you become a family.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Hi Debbie,

What a shame that some people are so closed minded. They have no idea what they are missing out on by not adopting a child. Every day, since the first day I held my daughter, I thank God for the miracle he has given me. I always tell people that I am grateful that I didn't get pregnant because I wouldn't have my precious daughter from China.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Brian & Darin said...

AMEN!!!

12:30 PM  
Blogger Val and Ron said...

Hi Debbie and Kirk,

From another perspective...
"Family" isn't about shared DNA, it's about shared love and experience.

I CHOSE adoption over pregnancy. No morning sickness, no discomfort (physical anyway), a glass of wine whenever I wanted, sleeping on my stomach, painting my own toenails, and many more pluses (although I really wanted an epidural during the last few days before referral). Everytime I look into that little face, I am so very greatful to have been taken down this path and I truly feel like I was 'chosen' for it. You'll see and you'll know and you really won't care what silly things others say because you'll know and feel the many, many bonds that this journey creates and can only be experienced by those going through it.

Looking forward to hearing about your referral any day now.

Val
Mom to another "Olivia" since June/06

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Mayken said...

I second the Amen! I also get this: "you'll get pregnant for sure now!" Ugh! So missing the point here. *sigh*
And early congrats on your referral!
Blessings,
Janice

7:22 PM  

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