Tuesday, January 15, 2008

For all my mama's in waiting!

After the bad news flowing around on Friday, I figured everyone could use this.

I grabbed this from a chat room about two years ago when I was in the dreaded "wait" I'm not sure who posted it but man was she bang on. I adjusted the timeline a bit to represent what people are going through now. I hope you get out of it what I did during the wait. People who have not been through an adoption just don't get it!

FUMING over the whole adoption thing! Ticked off
at the following (in no particular order):

-Every 16 year old can have a baby and I can't.
-I have to spend about $25,000 to "have" a baby.
-I have to prove myself worthy financially, police-wise, education
wise, medically, etc., to a social worker who doesn't give a damn
about me and loves my wallet.
-I have to wait 2 years to hear about my baby
-I don’t look pregnant, even though I'm just as excited as any pregnant woman
-I don’t qualify for equal parental/mat leave
-my child isn't covered for medical expenses in China
-my child has to apply to be a citizen of Canada
-my child has to wait on some government employee to feel she's worthy of them reviewing her "automatic" citizenship application
-I paid $925 for each of my childrens' files to be reviewed in 8 weeks by some government of Ontario employee who didn't give a damn about me or my family
-I could have made a substantial down payment on a university fund for each kid with the money I spent "having" them
-I had to pay for fertility treatments, but my group plan would pay for me to avoid getting pregnant
-I had to wait many months just to get an appointment at the fertility clinic in the first place
-I felt degraded and dehumanized by the fertility treatments
-Even though I was born and raised in Canada and my child is constitutionally supposed to be guaranteed to be treated as an equal to a bio child, I'll likely spend my lifetime explaining my blonde hair and their lovely almond-shaped eyes
-OHIP covers birth costs and every penny after a baby is born, but no one wants to reimburse the cost of the medical exams in Beijing
-having people feel they are entitled to ask very personal questions of me and child just because we are visibly different
-having to prove myself still worthy 6 and 12 months after adoption, unlike any other mother who would be the mother from hell and still keep her child
-I had to pay that same social worker for each of those follow up reports
-I couldn't do the fundamentally basic function of getting pregnant

There, that rant should make you feel better

Get mad....it's healthy and will keep your adrenaline flowing as you
wait. Get even. Become an advocate if that helps you deal with your anger, or just bask in it...you're entitled to be mad.




Blogger Special K said...

Some of these things don't apply to me and I'm over the getting mad part. Just kinda floating along day to day right now. Mostly just numb and detached.

7:04 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

Oh, a couple of those DO apply to me!

4:54 PM  
Blogger krj said...

I'm not mad anymore. Hope has been renewed. I'm looking through new windows :O)

11:55 AM  
Blogger A Mom- In-W8ing said...

Thanks for this post. These are some thoughts and feelings I was having last week for sure.

Smiles! :o)

6:40 PM  
Blogger Krista said...

Thanks Deb, I needed to have those things said. I don't know how to feel from one day to the next.

9:58 PM  
Blogger Ashley Winters said...

Adoption is such an emotional rollercoaster creating such raw feelings. I'm just glad the author left her name anonymous so she didn't have to endure any flaming!

8:02 AM  

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